With Reel Time settling into its new home, it seems as good a time as any for us all to get to know each other better. In the spirit of openness I’m going to admit something: I’m a bit of a cinema snob.
Yes, I have a cinema-going routine which up till now I’ve kept to myself. Firstly, I hate the adverts. I always try to judge a film’s start time so that I miss all those ads for new cars (I take the bus), posh ice cream (you can’t beat a strawberry mivvy) or hair care products (just look at my photo to see how little I need pro-vitamins) but still manage to catch the trailers.
Next, I have to sit as close to the middle centre as possible, preferably with a seat free beside me and a couple of empty seats in front. Finally, if I treat myself to a popcorn I try to stop eating at the quiet bits of the film so as not to drown out the dialogue for myself or fellow audience members.
It’s a comprehensive list built up after years of practice and it usually goes to plan, give or take the odd mishap.
Recently, I arrived at a film a few minutes late to find that it was nearly sold out. Scanning the rows for a decent seat, I soon found myself wedged in between a rather large gent on my right and a girl on my left.
This would have been just about bearable, but the man’s girlfriend/wife to his right was soon delving into her bag to find sweets with wrappers so noisy they’re banned in many civilised nations, while he slumped down into his seat, sending his elbow knocking into mine so that he took full ownership of the armrest.
On the one hand he was well within his rights to make the most of the seat he’d paid for. On the other I was well within mine to accidentally spill my medium-sized coke into his lap, ice cubes and all.
Though my cinema rules didn’t help me on this occasion I still think they’re a good idea, perhaps vital in these days of dodgy adverts and lax sweetie unwrapping. I’m also sure I’m not alone in having them – am I?